Reflection: Progress

What does progress mean to you?
By definition, progress is the forward or onward movement to a destination; to move forward or onward in space or time. So if yoga is the practice of uniting body, mind and spirit (my extremely loose definition of yoga), how does one measure progress? How do I know if I am progressing? If I am getting better? If the path of yoga leads to enlightenment, how do I know if I'm there? Will I ever get there? How do I even know if I'm doing this yoga thing right?  I can start with what you can actually see...

The photo above shows me doing side plank in the exact same spot (Zzyzx Road in the Mojave Desert) four months apart. This was so hard for me. In fact, I dreaded it in practice. But I kept at it. I modified until I had built the strength. 

My Dharma Wheel was a gift from my boyfriend for Christmas. In December, that was the first time trying it. That "a-ha" moment when my shoulders opened up and I could press into forearm wheel was awesome. 

When I first got back into yoga, I was pretty proud of my backbend. It was one of the "difficult" postures that I was able to do fairly easily. I didn't realize until recently how different my bends look after months of practice. 

According to these photos, you can actually SEE the improvement in my form, strength and balance. You can see that my postures look different, maybe even more "refined". But every time I get onto my mat, it is a totally different experience. Some days I feel strong. Some days I feel flexible. A posture I do every single day may suddenly feel difficult, or I may hold an elusive posture for that one second and then not be able to get into it again for a long time. Sometimes I learn something new in a pose I thought I had down and suddenly it becomes this new journey. No matter how often or how much I practice, it is always new. 

What you CAN'T see is how my muscles and joints and fascia have changed to allow these movements to take place. You can't see my breath, how I control and deepen it during my practice. You cannot see my focus, my concentration. You cannot see my thoughts. You cannot see my emotions. You cannot see how yoga has opened my eyes to the world around me and made me aware of my actions and behaviors. You cannot see the peace I feel inside.

Recently I had someone ask me what yoga has done for me. I rattled off the obvious physical benefits of yoga. But it was everything else that I think really hit home. I am calmer. I am more patient. I am more confident. I am more at peace with myself. I am kinder to myself. I am proud of myself. I am closer to God and closer to the amazing people in my life who support and love me for who I am. I am stronger. I am more vulnerable. I am more present. I am more forgiving. I am grateful.

No two journeys are the same. No two practices are the same. That is what makes yoga so beautiful. You are the only one who can measure your practice. And even when you feel like you have reached a goal, you realize you have so much left to attain. There is always room for improvement, always room to grow. It just gets better and better. 

Geeking Out

I meant to post this back in February, but, oh well...

I swear, I should have started Instagram when I had the chance. Before all of these photo sharing live feeds, all I ever did was post photos. Since the invention of the camera phone I have been OBSESSED with taking photos. The best thing about it is that I get to choose what I see (mostly). I have the entire world at my fingertips. Lately, my feed is filled with three things, my loved ones, makeup, and yoga. Lots of yoga. 

It's also opened up a whole world of people that I may have never been in contact with or knew existed! A wonderful community of supportive, body-positive yogis, people who aren't conforming to what society tells them they should look like, who are improving lives and changing the world, one Tree Pose at a time. Two of them in particular, Dana and Jessamyn. These two fantastic yogis are proving that there is no such thing as cookie cutter "yoga body" and that feeling comfortable in your own skin is the most valuable thing a person can own. When I came across these women, I was floored. They were doing the things I wanted to do! I don't just mean the beautiful postures they were posting (which are amazing), but they were inspiring people everywhere! I felt like for what is probably the first time in my life, there were other women just like me out there. Little did I know, that I would have the chance to not only meet them, but to take their class! 

A fellow yogi I've connected with through social media, Luisa (check out her IG and amazing journey here), had purchased an inversion workshop taught by both of them. Dana and Jessamyn were touring and holding workshops on the west coast. Unfortunately, Luisa could not attend. So she held a little contest for it. As luck would have it, I would be the one chosen to get it! I was stoked! 

I live in San Diego, and the class was in Riverside, so I made the two hour drive on a Sunday to be there. Since I was worried about traffic, and way too excited, I arrived super early. I parked in front of the studio and fidgeted with my mat and towel in the car to burn a few minutes. When I finally made my way inside, it was just Dana and Jessamyn, setting up for class and sorting through some yoga pants. Right off of the bat, they smiled at me and welcomed me in. I mildly geeked out, I couldn't believe I was about to take a class with women who each have over 150k followers! Women who I've watched videos and read about on HuffPost, Buzzfeed and Cosmo! Of course, having no shame, I told them this. And Jessamyn says "Girl, we are the most normal people you will ever meet." The best part? They were. 

Their workshop was awesome. After we warmed up with a flow, we did some exercises and a lot of prep postures to get our bodies ready for inversions, we played around with headstands and different ways to get into them. Even a little handstand prep. We didn't have a wall or anything, so falling was very real. I was already doing inversions, and was feeling more and more comfortable, but having someone break down the posture and show you what needs to be engaged and aligned to make it happen totally opened up my eyes! This totally kicked up my headstand game! Even though the studio I go to has an awesome and welcoming community of yogis, being in a room with other women of all shapes and sizes, women who were all in different places with their practice, women who didn't give a shit what people thought about them, was so refreshing. As sore and tired as I was, I was sad to see it end. 

I am so grateful to Luisa for being behind me meeting them. I look forward to the day her and I meet as well! 

If you want to learn more about these wonderful women, links to their websites and IG accounts are below. 

http://jessamynstanley.com/

https://www.instagram.com/mynameisjessamyn/

http://www.nolatreesyoga.com/

https://www.instagram.com/nolatrees/

Reflection: Within You

Sunday was our last community class for our extension program. I was paired with a different friend this time. Her and I worked pretty seamlessly together, I really enjoyed sharing a class with different people and seeing how each of our personalities impacts the class. My boyfriend flew in for the weekend, and I was pretty damn nervous about him taking class. This was the first time he actually witnessed me teaching. He also didn't know he would influence how I ended class that day. I have to say, I felt it went great. 

"Through yoga we are able to see what we are capable of, to see who we want to be, and see who we truly are. Someone close once said to me, 'You are stronger than you think you are.' Unknowingly, this became my personal mantra, in and out of the studio. Everything you could ever want or need in life is accessible to you because everything you are looking for already resides within you."

I still can't believe that I am a yoga teacher. Like, actually guiding fellow yogis in a class. A year ago, it was just something that I thought "would be cool" to do. Now I have the tools I need to be able to share my love for yoga with others. There is still so much to learn, so much to do. I feel like I've only hit the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this. But I can confidently say, "I am a yoga teacher". Maybe it was always there, inside of me, waiting for me to find it.  

Reflection: The Butterfly Effect

On Sunday I taught another community class with another one of my peers. This time, it was my turn to open class. We each taught half, which is about 35 minutes each. Also, the longest I've ever had to teach to anyone other than aloud to myself. I felt more confident this time. And felt like it showed. Even though I missed a few cues, it was all pretty seamless. Was pretty proud of myself and my partner.

“’It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.’

This is the basis of the butterfly effect. Simply put it means that a small cause can have large effects on its surroundings. What does that mean for you? It means that every action can alter the world around you. Sometimes you may feel like you aren't making a difference. Or that you don't have a purpose. That couldn't be further away from the truth. Each and every one of us has great significance. We have the power to do great things. Something as small as a smile to someone having a bad day can turn their day around. In turn, they can positively affect someone else's and so on and so on. Every action, every word, every breath, has an effect. As you set your intention for your practice today, I ask you, what kind of effect do you want to make on this earth?

In yoga, every movement and breath you take, when done with intention, create a fulfilling practice. This simple concept of having intention can create a fulfilling life. Like a pebble thrown into a pool of water, the ripples it creates can reach further than ever imagined. You can also.”

I actually went into class that afternoon not feeling like myself. I had a little bit of a frustrating morning, having had a disagreement with someone I loved. Once I began teaching, the irritation, the frustration, began to fade away. When I spoke the words, I felt like I was hearing them for the first time, even though I had practiced them to myself over and over. After class, I took some time to just be alone. To sit and think about how some of the things I said and how I said them affected the way the conversation went. I kind of felt shitty, to be honest. And wondered if it could have gone differently. There are times I get so caught up in my own shit or what I’m feeling in that moment, that I react rather than respond. Not just in this particular situation, but in everyday life. I need to take note of every action and the words that come out of my mouth a little more carefully. They effect everything. 

Second half of #LoveYourChakras

A little late in posting this! Tess and I finally finished our Love Your Chakras Yoga Challenge. It was definitely a lot of fun! It was awesome to see the photos of those that joined (although it was only a handful, it was SO appreciated). It was fun to take the photos, learn about the chakras and explain some of our favorite postures and what they meant to us. Her and I have a bit on our plate right now, so it might be a little bit before we host another. But I look forward to it. If you aren't following us in Instagram yet, please do!

@bbrownskinlady
@sidekickdoula

Reflection: Perspective

Our extension program for teacher training was originally scheduled for 4 weeks. It has been extended another two weeks (I'll touch on that in another post). Last Sunday, three of us taught a community class and themed it around shifting your perspective and creating a better outlook on life. This was my first time ending class, which usually involves a little bliss bomb during savasana.

Teaching a sequence, which are sets of postures put together to form the class, is hard enough. You have to memorize the order, their breaths, and being able to cue people into them and refine them, You also have to be able to time how long they are held there just right and tell them about the benefits and what they should be feeling. All of this done while walking around the room, adjusting, demonstrating and smiling! It's exhausting! Haha! On top of that, there's what a lot of people come to yoga for: inspiration. And besides the physical practice, many instructors provide words of wisdom and encouragement that really make a class special.

I was actually really nervous about ending class. Mostly because I didn't know if I could just talk off the dome and have something worthwhile to say. I also didn't want to sound like a complete idiot or be too dogmatic. So I wrote down a few ideas to help me when it was my turn to end class:

"In yoga, we go through many sensations and even emotions. We build heat, we test strength, we play with balance. We find the capacity of our flexibility, and finally we surrender. These things happen off of the mat, as well. Sometimes we cannot control when those qualities will be needed or tested. Sometimes we cannot control how things unfold around us. But we can use the tools our practice gives us to get through any situation. You are in control of your thinking. You are in control of your own happiness. With a tiny shift in your thoughts, you can accomplish great things, on and off of your mat. "

This made me reflect on my own life. There are many times when I feel out of control. I feel overwhelmed. I get angry when things don’t happen the way I needed them to. Or frustrated when something changes the way something should have turned out. I forget that there will always be a wrench that will get thrown into my plans. It is how I respond and behave in those moments of being tested that truly mean something. Sometimes I need to take a step back, process, and come back to it in a positive manner. It isn’t always as easy as it sounds, I know this firsthand.  Always something new to learn.